Dad's Got Kidney Stones...

...which is insensitive of him to say the least. Free lifts to work are completely out of the window for next few weeks, and whilst he struggles through a simple out patient procedure, I've got to get up 45 minutes earlier to catch the bus. That's 5 whole snoozes on a standard alarm clock.

Talking of work, there's been some exciting developments in the past month. I'm now 99% certain that it's Audi who employ me and not Aldi, although the fact both are German still leaves me with that indistinguishable nagging doubt.

Secondly, as of next week, 'Tommy the weird temp' becomes 'Tommy the permanent' in a new role. It's a radical shake-up, the likes of which haven't been seen on these shores since March 19th 2014. I am of course referring here to Cliff D'Arcy's use of the term 'biggest shake-up' in a headline about budgets and pensions.

It might just be me, but since my meteoric rise through the ranks of the German super power, the good folk of Nottingham have acted much warmer towards me. Just take a look at these lasses waving at me when I was on the bus yesterday. I almost felt rude Instagramming them and not waving back.

#nofilter

In preparation for my job I also got a new hair cut at the weekend. It's a Side Parting - as is the trend these days. The response after three days has literally blown me away. Locals stop as I was walk past them, often nodding and saying 'hair Greatrex', which I know means they think I look great.

One even made me a plaque for my new desk at work. Unfortunately spelling isn't too hot this north of London and it actually reads 'Herr Greatrex'. Every time I see it though I'm reminded of the blonde haired, blue eyed Aryan who handed it to me and I feel so proud.

Other than that it's been a pretty quiet month in my life. I am glad, however, that lent's coming to an end. This year I plumped for the unconventional taking up of smoking on a full time basis. I have to say I've noticed a drastic decline in my general health, and also find myself with less pocket money for sweets.

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Comments

Calling All Office Fans

Who's been to the Coventry Conference? Ah yes, the fictional Coventry Conference, co-ordinated by the equally fictional Eric Hitchmough . A man whom I've never fictionally met, or even seen, yet know so much about. From his little withered hand, the wanking claw , to his signature catchphrase, ' I don't agree with that in the workplace !' Eric is... and that is what I want. If I've lost you, I can only assume you're not quite the fan of The Office that I called for in the title of this post, or I'm not the writer that I think I am! Allow me to explain... T he Office is the single greatest sitcom of all time, sure, so it makes sense for it's legion of fans to have a social outlet to congregate and quote the show to their heart's content. The Facebook group ' Do You Not Know Who ERIC HITCHMOUGH Is' , DYNKWEHI , provides such a platform. With it's mix of quality quoting, imaginative imagery and creative commenting,

London Actually

London has literally been around forever. With a multitude of sights, sounds, smells and tastes, there's something for everyone. In the past month, I myself have begun to scratch the surface on weekends. Come forth and let me share my experiences. Or, if you want to know what it's really like, watch Love Actually . My first jaunt was to a cinema so secret, it's called Secret Cinema . The date was Sunday 5th March, the film Moulin Rouge . For those unfamiliar with the concept, you while away an evening in a purpose built set, combining live action performances with a screening of the film in question. Nothing's secret really, as the film and location are provided beforehand. Presumably, this is so people aren't left wandering the streets, wondering what they've signed up for. Photos are strictly forbidden, but I'd describe my venture to late 19th century Montmartre as boozy, magical and slightly embarrassing, when one of the actors tried to make

(Joint) Employee Of The Month...

...isn't something to be sniffed at. Just because I wasn't good enough to win it outright doesn't make me sad in the slightest. So when the honour was bestowed upon Internet Enquiries earlier this year, in one of the summer months' beginning with 'J', I was pleasantly surprised. Fast forward to November, a month beginning with 'N' that falls somewhere in the middle of autumn, and we'd finally settled on a location for our victory meal. It was a triple celebration for myself, having of course also won Morsel of the Month in September and having had a haircut in October. The meal itself went off without a hitch. We even found someone with a disposable camera to take a picture of us... The team: circa 1996/97 - 2014 ...I only managed a starter and main myself, but had a lovely selection of cheese and crackers waiting for me on my return home. It's at this juncture I feel it appropriate to plot my 2014 achievements on a line gra

Tommy 2.0

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