...can only mean one thing, at an average of one every 22 days, 5 hours and 20 minutes, I've smashed the 10 blog post milestone. What a return!*
There's a trio of world issues to quickly cover before we get down to the nitty gritty:
1) Conflict in the Middle East - that needs sorting out
2) The Gremlin in the Kremlin - who does he think he is?
3) Depression - it was incredibly sad to hear about Robin Williams last week. My favourite turn of his was as bearded psychologist Dr. Sean Maguire in Good Will Hunting
I often ponder what my contribution to the world will be; Will it be interpretive t-shirt dancing? It almost certainly won't be Shredteas. Could it perhaps be the below? A Tommy tickling of both science and business...
A while ago now I purchased a Guinea Pig called Jimmyboy Sheridan, a name he'd given himself. I'd heard this particular strand of the pig family were useful to have around when it came to conducting experiments, of which I had a few ideas bubbling away.
The first (and last) experiment that we would conduct together was actually Jimmyboy's idea. A migraine sufferer from birth, he'd discovered popping paracetamol took off the edge, so would often invest in up to 2 packets at a time from any of the leading high street outlets. I never thought to ask him until now where he got the money to support his habit, but as will be revealed shortly, I can't now because he's dead.
The one issue that plagued Jimmyboy more than anything else was opening a fresh packet, only to be presented with the user manual spooning the drugs like a big papery sleeping bag. For, and it might not come as a surprise, he only had little Guinea Pig hands and couldn't unravel what lay before him. He made me promise on his death bed to include the below image. I said my readers will probably be able to picture it, but we played rock, paper, scissors and he won, ironically with paper.
What Jimmyboy really wanted to engineer was a way to always open on Perfection, thus enabling easy access to his pills and subsequent pain relief.
We had a cup of tea (which there's a picture of somewhere), before setting off to buy 100 packets of Paracetamol. Like Family Fortunes ask a question to 100 different people, we wanted to pose our own unique question to 100 different packets, i.e. open them all in a lab setting. A lot of time, money and effort went into purchasing those drugs, mainly (and I can say this now he's gone) by me, so when I left them on the bus on the way home it really did bum me out.
"Fear not though", I said to Jimmyboy, "we'll just open this one packet you still have 100 times and see what that tells us."
In hindsight we should have just done that from the start and I'll be honest, after we did, it really didn't tell us anything, which in turn bummed the poor rodent out. This wasn't to be the end of our brief time together however, as low and behold he had a friend he wanted to introduce me to called Abu.
Sadly, it wasn't the cuddly cartoon monkey from Aladdin, but was none other than Abu Hamza, the bearded extremist with a hook for a hand. I can't recall how they'd met.
Abu, at this point still living in swinging London, had wanted to open a premises that combined two of his hidden loves; cycling and coffee, whilst at the same time playing down some of his other (not so well hidden) loves; racial hatred and the Steven Spielberg epic Hook.
I was drafted in to help out and the result once the dream team were together was none other than 'Look Mum No Hands!', which can still be frequented in Old Street today. In fact here we are on opening night...
Sadly the power and drugs went to Abu's head. In the immediate aftermath of our success he was often spotted preaching on street corners about other popups that he wanted to start in the area, 'Apprentices-hips' being one such splattering of nonsense.
It wasn't to be however and after he eloped to New York with his boyfriend, I never saw him again.
There was to be no happy ending for Jimmyboy unfortunately (who I have already mentioned dies) as moments after the above photo was taken, the guy in the background reaching for a gun shot him.
The End
Producer and Project Director: Serena Stubley
Editor: Michael Goodenough
Key Grip: Colin Beer
Visual Effects Editor: Raju Muhamahudhalwala
Visual Effects Assistant Editor: Mark England
Production Sound Mixer: Lee Pickles
Boom Operator: Nik Skankwani
Costumes: Jane Smele
*It became apparent moments after posting that I've only actually done 9 blog posts, rendering the title and opening paragraph of math useless.
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